DRAGON AGE II COMPANIONS AND SIBLINGS REACT TO THE MOVIE VOLCANO
by Mr. BramStoker
Summary: the JLA reviewed it... Hippolyta and the JLA ladies reviewed it... now it's the Hawke family and friends' turn as they watch and review the epic disaster of a disaster movie that is known by all as VOLCANO


**The DRAGON AGE II COMPANIONS AND SIBLINGS REACT TO THE MOVIE VOLCANO, WOLF, TWISTER and BACKDRAFT**

"Ok, first of all, Bethany… are. You. *censored* KIDDING ME?!"

"C'mon Isabele, Mother said she wanted us to do something more fun and family-friendly"

"Yeah, you didn't say anything about us watching a movie about the City of Angels goin' up in smoke"

"Oh settle down Fenris, it's only a movie"

"Not to criticize or anything but she's got a fair point"

"Thank you Morrigan. Now has everyone got their food and drinks?"

"Uh, duh, yes"

"Good. So sit back, relax and watch the Coast become… Toast! HAHAHAHA!"

*crickets chirping*

"Good joke, Bethany"

"Thank you Sis, you're so very nice to me"

"Eh, I try to"

"Can we please get on with this? We gotta set up things for the New Year's Eve party tonight"

"Ok, shhhh, the movie's starting"

"Wrong. Just the opening advertisements"

"Oh. Lovely"

"Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere"

"Um, why is this movie called Volcano anyway?"

"Watch and see Merrill"

"Ooh, ok"

"HOLY *CENSORED* LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THOSE DIGITS"

"VARRIC! SIT THE *CENSORED* DOWN AND SHADDUP!"

"Ok, ok, geez. I haven't made out with a Californian beach babe in like…"

"EWWWWWWWW"

"DUDE, LIKE, WHAT THE *CENSORED*"

"Ok, now it's an earthquake! What? Is you tryin' to tell me we 'bout to get some San Andreas up in my grill?"

"Dude, San Andreas was last year. Volcano was in 1997"

"Oh. Well *censored* that, Mayan calendar! Up yours, you jive turkeys!"

"what the hell are you doin' now?"

"Cool out, ho, I'mma level with chu, aight. Mah homie TLJ, he gonna save every last one of the mother*uckers when LA blasts open like a can of whoop-ass! Woo! This *censored* is really kicking in now!"

"Hawke, did you give him red lysium dope again…"

"Oops"

"Damn, dat bitch just got her ass burnt like Bradley Cooper just by fallin' into dat hole!"

"Ok, seriously, Carver, why the *censored* are you talking like a black man?"

"Oh, now y'all wanna be up in Carver's grill? Oh HELL NAW! Sit yo ass down and watch this movie, yo!"

"WHOA! EVERYONE GET THE *CENSORED* OUTTA DODGE! SHE BOUT TO EXPLOOOOODDDDEEEE!"

"What…. The… Divine… are… you… Morons… DOING?!"

"oh hey Aveline, how you doin', cuz?"

"Shaddup Carver! And why are you dressed like Kanye West?"

"We're reacting to some cheesy American movie called Volcano"

"Ooh! Is it any good?"

"So far, it makes Roland Emmerich's disaster movies look like films for Sunday school kids"

"Um, is that a good or bad thing? I'm a little fuzzy on the whole good-bad thing"

"No"

"Oh. Well I brought some junk food and a hell lava drinks"

"Aveline"

"What?"

"Please don't ever make such a stupid pun like that"

"Hey-hey! Mah boy TLJ in tha house! Woot Woot!"

"Seriously, Carver, knock it off"

"ooh! There's mah man Don Cheadle!"

"yeah and OOOOOHHHH MY GOD DID YOU SEE THAT EXPLOSION?"

"HOLY *CENSORED* THIS STUFF GETTIN' GOOD, YO!"

"Punch through? You mean Erupt?"

"YES YOU IDIOT, THAT'S WHAT IM SAYING"

"whatcha gonna do Tommy? Y'all gonna save LA or save that bitch ass daughter of yours?"

"He chose daughter"

"MOTHAFUCKER!"

"ok, now they're moving it into the ocean?"

"uh, duh"

"well, next up, Twister"

"WOOOO! MY GURL HELEN HUNT! SHIZZLE BE WACK, YO!"

"Fo shizzle, Massa Carver!"

"Yeah, you cool with it now, dawg"

"This jive nonsense be wack- OH GREAT NOW YOU GOT ME DOIN' IT!"

"YEAH MAN, MAH BROTHA TASMANIAN DEVIL!"

"ok… what… the… fuck…was…that?"

"I…don't…give…a…fuck"

"ooh, yeah baby, here we go. Let's do the Twister"

"Carver, you can't make out with a tornado"

"WHO TOLD YOU THAT?"

"OH MA GAWD, THEY LEFT DE DOG IN THA HOUSE! WHADDA FUCK, MAN? Y'ALL RESCUE YOUR LIL WHITE GIRL AN' YOU LEAVE THE DOG IN THA HOUSE! UNCOOL, FARMER MAN, UNCOOL!"

"Oh good, he's letting the mutt in"

"HALLELUJAH! TWISTER IS NOT THE POWER, GOD IS THE POWER!"

"Carver, you reallly need to stop watching BET"

"HOOOLLYYYY SHIIIEEEETTTTTTT! THAT TWISTER, HE SUCK DAT FARMER LIKE HE WAS HAVIN SEX WITH DAT VOLCANO!"

"Seriously, ew"

"OOOHH YEAH MAN OKLAHOMA, THAT'S MY SHIT, MAN! OKLAHOMA, THAT WHITE-ASS MUSICAL"

"Oh now all of a sudden you're prejudiced against whites?"

"I HAVE A DREAM, THAT ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL. WE DIDN'T LAND IN KIRKWALL. KIRKWALL LANDED ON US"

"will you please shut up?"

"AH-HA! MAH BOY PHIL S HOFFMAN! REST IN PEACE, HOMIE, YOU WAS A REAL SUPERSTAR BACK IN THE DAY, OH YES YOU WAS"

"Mm-mmm, look at that ass on that therapist bitch, mothafuckas, so majestic and shit, like a dolphin. HOLY SHIT THIS STUFF'S REALLY KICKIN IN"

"Carver, WHY ARE YOU GETTING NAKED?"

"it's my lifestyle, girl, cant help it"

"Oh god…"


End file.
